'ASIANS IN CAGES': A Seussified Progressive Tale


Franklin Delano tugged at his hair

And tapped on the arms of his big metal chair

Then he said with a sigh, as he polished his glasses,

In a voice that was low, and as smooth as molasses,

"We must treat these Asians as separate classes

And put them where they can't be harming the masses

Can we put them high?

Can we put them low?

Oh where is the best place for them to all go?"

With a snap of his fingers both too soft and sluggish

(For his polio'd nerves were all wiggy and buggish)

But still had a ring that was brutal and thuggish

He smiled and said, "I've the perfect 'solution'!

A cultural cleansing from Asian pollution!

In this nebulous time full of fear and low wages,

And war with each other that rages and rages

And advice both from fools and from Democrat sages

Let's put all these terrible Asians in cages!"

---

"Oh my!" said Republicans hither and yon

"How that Franklin D. President does carry on!

But this lunatic plan, all at once or in stages

Is nincompoop nonsense, that flatly enrages

And fails to foresee how the public's will ages!

We will not, we must not throw Asians in cages!"

---

"Hear! Hear!" said those few who desired restitution

Of small government under the Constitution

"This Democrat dunce with his pen and his ink,

Will be all our undoing, we fear and we think!

There is nary a depth to which he will not sink!

We must not throw Asian folk into the Clink!"

---

"Yes, indeed," said the Pentagon's pencil-necked nerds

"We must stop these executive's damaging words

For he speaks and his words turn at once into turds

And his plan for the Asians is just for the birds!

This racist mistake, it's a crime for the ages,

We will not, we must not put Asians in cages!"

---

"And yet," said Progressives, who'd slithered right in,

"Would you rather we lose at this war and not win?

Would you like if, quite soon, we're all spending in Yen?

No, of course we must act, though the people may chafe

You strike iron while it's hot to keep everyone safe

We say 'Hail to the Chief', though your ire it enrages

Executive orders by hundreds of pages

Must pour from his hand, 'til our fear it assuages

We must now lock up all these Asians in cages!

---

And so it was done, to our shame and our guilt

And we damn near lost every good thing that we built

But from history we learn, and to history we go

For a crack at a future so bright it could glow

And no matter how Leftism strikes and engages

Us all in a battle of wits that enrages

We still have one thing we can say through the ages:

"It sure wasn't us who put Asians in cages."